your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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