one might say we're banned from that church
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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