i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
