I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
