Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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