what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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