ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
