While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
