I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
