Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
