Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
