I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
