idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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