I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Another day, another engagement, another cat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
