So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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