She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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