Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
