Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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