whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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