At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
