just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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