he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
