There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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