I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
