My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
