he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
