Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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