My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
