Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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