Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
