i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
