i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
