I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
