too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
