I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
