My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
