I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
