What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
