Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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