the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
