She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
