By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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