oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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