I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
