Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
