How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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