I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
