So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why did my mother make you get naked?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
