I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
