if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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