im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
