I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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