ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
